Barbie's Really Good Paragraph

Barbie's Really Good Paragraphh
Cabin 3 likes to party
By: Barbie

Every night at Camp Hatikvah, we are always exhausted because all day long we laugh, hang, and swim at the A, Y, and U docks. When we get back to cabin 3 we all collapse in a giant pile of tangling and twisting arms and legs. In the pile all we do is laugh and laugh. Our counselors, Daneet, Liz, and Ana get so mad. After we calm down our counselors tell us to go to bed but we are famished. Just then we get an idea, let’s go get food from the boys, even though it is past lights out. We quickly dress in black and run, the boys give us chips and candy, we are delighted and we run back to our cabin partying.

Leor's "Really Good" paragraph

At camp, evening is always the most exciting time.

After incredible and exhausting games of tag in the big breezy meadow near our cabin, we would all collapse in a heap of 13 screaming, shouting girls, arms and legs flinging in every direction! We would all burst out with laughter as chortles and chuckles filled our cabin- it was a blast!! After we would cool down a little we would suddenly become starving!! Our Counselors would get furious that our cabin was still awake after midnight; hopefully we would get them to relax so we could open a bag of the delicious, forbidden, junk food.

Noga's...

A Really Bad Paragraph

Every night at camp, when we were weary out from playing an enjoyable game, we would all collapse in a gigantic pile on the wooden floor of our cabin. We would just giggle until we fell down. It felt incredible!
Then, after we calm down we would be starving!
Our counselor would be furious that our cabin was the only cabin awake after midnight, but hopefully we could get her to relax and let us eat chips and sweets that we were not supposed to have eaten our camp till the last day.