Once upon a time there was an annoying, irritating and tiresome little girl called Little White Whining Hood. She was called this because of her horrible, selfish and egocentric personality. She was known to have an explosive temper and to always be miserable. Little White Whining Hood and her family lived in a beautiful little golden cottage in a small village near a magical stream somewhere on the borders of The Chanting Forest. The mother of this dreadful child didn’t resemble her one bit. She was called Lovely Mother Lucia, a heartbroken widow whose husband was enchanted by the magical forest and its mysterious singing birds. This forest has trees that murmur to each other, birds that hum all day and all night, and if you listen closely, you can distinguish the hidden messages. Trees that have witnessed much, whose barks have became home to many, those are the oldest and wisest ones of all. So one day while Tough Father Magnus was strolling alongside the river, he heard a distant call. Ignoring it first, he continued his walk. But the call transformed into a resonating echo in his head and it took over his mind like a virus spreading down your body at a rapid speed. First, your head starts getting heavy and you feel drowsy; then you start to sweat. It runs down your face, down your neck and so on, you feel it stick to your body like a hot, drenched suit. Magnus shrieked a piercing cry and fell to his knees, the voice hissed to him, telling him to go to the forest. But he resisted, his muscles strained and he felt like he was drowning in a series of words, they resonated everywhere he heard them, heard them over and over. After giving all of his effort, he gave up and let himself be charmed by the voice, and at that moment it became a wonderful high-pitched song. The forest swallowed Father Magnus. But that was long ago and Lovely Mother Lucia had forgotten about it. Now she and her naughty daughter lived sorrowfully in their little cottage in that little village. Even though Lovely Mother Lucia was sweet and charming, she truly hated her daughter and her troublesome personality. So one day she decided to get rid of her for good. For days she worried, who would do it? Not her for sure, that would ruin her important reputation as a decent human being. One day she was strolling around the village near the market square when a brilliant idea hit her. Why not call The Big Bad Wolf from The Eliminating Whatsoever Association; he would gobble her up for sure. So she happily skipped home with her clever and devious yet simple plan. Lovely Mother Lucia sat at her kitchen table and took out a pen. She wrote:
Dear Mr. Wolf,
I have an enormous dilemma. So I was wondering if you and your organization could help me resolve this immense crisis. You see, my daughter is very infuriating and I would love to get rid of her, could you help? Please write me back.
L.M. Lucia,
She dropped her pen and sighed, she never thought she would end up sending her only child to her doom; then again she had ruin most of her life by being so disgraceful, wicked and demanding. It was the right punishment. Outside in the open field that separated the village from the river, which longed the vast forest, were her annoying daughter and some other children.
“Little White Whining Hood, why are you always ill-tempered?” asked Nosy Nicolas, as he rolled himself in the humid and refreshing grass.
“Do I ask you questions?” she replied, looking crossed, “anyway, my irritable personality and actions are non of your business. So keep your nose out of my life you filthy brat!” she exclaimed, kicking him in the legs as he continued his intense rolling. But to her surprise, he didn’t shriek or howl in pain as he used too. “Why aren’t you budging, do your legs ache, and do you feel the throbbing pain spread? Do you, do you?” Little White Whining Hood cried as she gave a harsh kick at the hard soil.
“He will not scream for he isn’t intimidated by you anymore, we have learned how to ignore those who annoyed us, so you leave us alone now Little White Whining Hood!” shouted Beautiful Beatrix, she appeared from her hiding spot and behind her submerged a whole army of furious children. They each stepped forward and brandished a stick from their pockets. At first Little White Whining Hood wanted to burst out in laughter, but she soon realized that twenty-five sticks and a mob of ragging kids might lead her into a perilous situation. So she sprinted barefoot across the grass, she felt the freshness beneath her feet, the chilly breeze slash against her face and the cold air wiz through her hair. The mob chased her, they screeched and yield at the top of their lungs, if anyone was walking by they would see a tangle of arms and legs, out of control children and a little girl in a white cape running for her life. Soon she had lost them at a corner, she collapsed onto the pavement and panted. She tried to catch her breath and relax, how did they find the courage to stand up to her? Oh well, she wasn’t planning to go disturb them anymore anyway. Little White Whining Hood sorrowfully dragged herself home; there her mother seemed to be waiting for her.
“Where have you been Little White Whining Hood?” she asked, seeming highly concerned.
“Oh mother, the other children chased me around and I was just able to escape their gripping claws,” answered Little White Whining Hood.
The next day Lovely Mother Lucia received a letter from The Big Bad Wolf, it read.
Dear L.M Lucia,
I would be delighted to dispose of your daughter. I am available on March 11th(tomorrow) from ten thirty a.m to five p.m so if you could kindly make sure that your daughter is alone somewhere private at exactly that hour because I’ve got other clients to attend to after that. I promise nothing; sometimes the person tends to be agile. My services are provided for a small cost of five dollars per kilogram. So tell me, how much does your daughter weight? Please write me back with the remaining details.
Sincerely, The Big Bad Wolf
Lovely Mother Lucia was overjoyed when she concluded her reading. She cheerfully danced around the kitchen table and sang a merry song. While her mother was celebrating the news, Little White Whining Hood was curled up in a ball, sobbing in the attic. She treasured this place, its boxes full of old and forgotten junk, the stained glass windows that shrieked in the wind and the crackling, wooden floor. Little White Whining Hood always came here when she was troubled, it was where she soothed herself. But it was incredibly difficult for her to do so, for her out of control mother was tap-dancing on the kitchen table. What was this all about? She asked herself, pressing her ear to the wooden floor. Sadly her mother had settled down and was now beckoning her to come. She reluctantly obeyed and slid down the staircase.
“Tomorrow I want you to go visit grandmother, she is very ill and would be delighted to see her beloved granddaughter,” said Lovely Mother Lucia, “and you can bring her a basket full of sweets and a bottle of good red wine. Wouldn’t that be nice, darling?” she asked shrinking down to her daughter’s height. Darling! Darling! She never called her that, something was wrong. Thought Little White Whining Hood.
“But I don’t want to!” she exclaimed, looking crossed.
“Oh, stop your complaining and moaning Little White Whining Hood!” her mother abruptly replied.
The next day, Lovely Mother Lucia sent another letter concerning the last details of the murder. It was all settled. At exactly nine thirty, Little White Whining set out for the forest. The whole village could have heard her hasty footsteps as she bravely marched towards the forest, past the open field and past the stream. Finally she arrived at the large entrance. She gazed around her; there where tall pines and colorful robins joyfully sung while perched on high branches. The pines cast shadows on her, at least that was somber. She liked somber. Little White Whining Hood strolled along the narrow path, there were many animals lurking around, she could feel it. And she was mostly right, The Big Bad Wolf was watching her from an old pine, he smiled his devious smile. As she walked own the path, she heard the wind blow behind her, it sent shivers up her spine. Suddenly, Little White Whining saw a slim figure roaming around the trees. It had glowing red eyes. The mysterious creature crept out of the shadows. He pounced on her. She felt his sharp claws dig deep into her skin and his horrible breath against her neck, but instead of eating her, he stepped back and apologized.
“Oh, I am so very sorry my dear, for a moment there I thought you were a delicious deer,” said the wolf, “ What are you doing alone in the woods?” he asked curiously. “I am going to visit my grandmother and bring her treats,” answered Little White Whining Hood, showing her basket.
“Where does your grandmother live, my dear?” asked the wolf, kindly.
“Near the next village, over there, you see,” added Little White Whining Hood in a strong voice, pointing to a small, white and yellow cottage.
“Oh, I see. Well it was a pleasure meeting you. But I need to go finish a certain task,” the wolf said, heading off into the darkness. The truth was that the wolf found that Little White Whining Hood was too agile for him to devour easily, so he found an alternative. As he cheerfully sneaked around the woods he encountered an unexpected surprise. There, just behind an old oak tree was his most despised rival, The Massive Malicious Mongoose. They had been co-partners at T.E.W.A. He had bloodthirsty, glowing red and menacing eyes, he had razor-sharp teeth used to kill large prey and a golden fur. He had been imported from South Africa, and escaped his cage to come hunt here. This was his territory.
“What are you doing here? I’d think you’d be massacring and annihilating a bear by now,” murmured the wolf under his breath.
“Well after I won my award for best animal slaughterer, I thought I’d take a break, you know, relax and all,” he said proudly, if you asked anyone what The Best Animal Slaughterer Award was, they would always know. “What are you doing here? I’d think you would have retired from shame after that little accident,” The Massive Malicious Mongoose asked, bringing up the time when The Big Bad Wolf had been asked to murder a five-year-old millionaire, but had failed miserably and was embarrassed by his co-workers for a month.
"Oh, come on that was two years ago and the kid had bodyguards the size of bears, what did you want me to do? Anyway I will prove to you that I am a certified and proud T.E.W.A worker. Listen closely, my mission is to go gobble a little girl in a white cape, she is going to go visit her possibly plumy grandmother, which means we get a double meal! Now what do you say, pal?" proposed the wolf, holding out his hand.
"Why not, I am in the mood for something greasy and oily!" replied the now excited mongoose. The animals followed the trail accidently left behind by little White Whining Hood; she had nibbled on the warm and crunchy oak meal cookies, leaving a trail of crumbs. When Little White Whining Hood arrived at her grandmother's small cottage, she had finished two or three cookies, quickly hide them in a bush and rushed to the door.
"Granny, its me, Little White Whining Hood," she exclaimed on the doorstep.
"I am to weary to open the door, sweetie. Push it, its open," said granny in a dry and exhausted voice. Little White Whining Hood entered to see her granny resting in the bed.
"Oh granny, I brought you treats, there’s wine and two and a half cookies," she said, waiving the basket in front of her granny's wrinkled up face. Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door and a grave voice came reasoning into the house.
"Oh granny, open up, its the hum the... interior designer and friend here to paint your bathroom! Yah, that's right, I'm the interior designer," cried the wolf.
"But that's scheduled for next week, or at least I think so," replied granny, a little uncertainly.
"No madam, this is the week of March 18th, I have a calendar to prove it to you," answered the wolf.
"Oh, well in that case, wait gentlemen I'm coming," said granny, shoving her granddaughter out of her way and dashing for the door. But as soon as she opened it, The Massive Malicious Mongoose gobbled her whole. Little White Whining Hood, despite having being shoved by her granny shrieked in horror. And then began the wild chase around the house. All you could hear was the outrageous racket, shattering glass and panicked meows from Mr. Purr (the annoying, long haired calico cat.) But The Big Bad Wolf had trapped the little and frightened girl in a corner, and he was now prepared to attack. He leaped onto her and slowly munched her down, piece after piece. The two cannibals relaxed after their large meal and took a nap. Somewhere, distantly in the forest Tough Father Magnus was chopping trees when he heard loud snoozing. He followed the heavy snoozing towards granny's house, there he entered and saw the catastrophe. He took his axe, chopped the mongoose's head off and rescued granny who was still intact. She was glowing red with anger so she took the bottle of wine her nasty granddaughter had brought her and chased away the wolf into the deep forest. Tough Father Magnus followed them towards his wife's village. When she saw him, joy took over her and she threw herself into his arms, they hugged and laughed for some time until the decided to mourn and grieve over their lost daughter for only two days. After that they promised to adopt Mr. Purr. And they lived happily ever after without Little White Whining Hood.
