Party Time!

Yesterday was the worst day ever! I went to my friend John’s birthday party at his house and I was a little late because I had to finish my hockey game which went into overtime and then a shoot out. When I finally got to the party my so-called friend John ate my food which really made me mad because I had no time to eat after my game so I was starved. And then when John did give me something to eat, all he gave me a shaken soda and some stale gummy bears. I got coke all over my face and it took forever to swallow the gummies. I decided it was my turn to give John a little surprise, just wait till you hear about his present!!!

by
Bayle

My Idea

Hey guys,
I had an idea that in a way attaches to Jonah's idea. I was thinking that maybe the whole grade could do a poem to show that we are all one, and everyone gives one stanza about them, their year so far or something like that. So if everyone approves, you can start leaving your stanzas in the comment box.

Thank you so much!

-Nini

P.S. if anyone wants to help put them in order. that would be good too.

Marc's Birthday Party

If I had to write a list summing up the best days of my life, this day would be number one! My twelfth birthday party! Tom, Bob, Bobby, Tommy, Timmy, Hank, and Bill all came over to my mansion with 10 floors, an elevator and a swimming pool. We munched on some fantastic chips, popcorn, and gummy bears in the backyard next to the pool. My friend Timmy was one and a half late so I munched on his food for him. Timmy was furious when he finally arrived at the party because I ate his chips, so I had to (my Mom forced me) give him some of my gummy bears to make him feel slightly better. Later I got some amazing revenge because Timmy ate his gummy bears like the speed of light because of this the gummy bears stuck to his mouth and he couldn't talk for the rest of the party. I felt a horrible for Ross' mouth (I still think he deserved it). Next time I'll tell you about what happen when we all opened my presents.

A segment from “The Presents”:
It jumped out from the box and bit Timmy on the nose...

Marc L. 6A

Sort Of Super Totally Wicked Fixed Paragraph

Last Monday I had my twelfth birth day party. It was entertaining! All of my friend's came over and we ate some outstanding food in my backyard. My friend Ross came late to the party and I ended up eating his food. Ross was acting crazy when he got to the party and found out that I ate his pizza. To stop Ross from getting crazier I gave him my ice cream to make up for it. Since Ross was famished he ate his ice cream so fast that he got a major brain freeze. I felt a bad for Ross since he had a headache. Next time I’ll tell you about what happened when we opened my presents and Ross saw what my parents gave me. (After that he regretted coming to come to my party.)  

:)

Jake-ee

6A

Fixed Paragraph

Yesterday was my twelvth birthday. It was awesome. All my friends were there, and we ate some amazing food in the backyard. My friend Ross was late to the party so I ate his food. When Ross got to the party he was mad because I ate his cheese pizza, so i gave him some of my strawberry ice cream to make it up to him. Later I got my revenge because he ate his ice cream

Partner In Poetry

Hey Grade 6A,

If anybody wants to write a poem with me. Please write in the comment box and say yes. I have very good poem topic but i need another poets' poetry skills.

Thanks
Jonah

Fixed Paragraph

Yesterday I had the most magnificent 12th birthday ever. All of my friends came over and we ate the most incredible pizza I've ever had. My friend Ross was extremely late so as a punishment I ate his food. It turns out that when Ross finally came he didn't eat any breakfast so he was starving. He was very upset so reluctantly I gave him some of my ice cream. Shortly after, Ross was struck by karma for coming late and he got a painful brain freeze for gobbling down his ice cream. Something in my stomach made me feel bad for Ross but I think he still deserved it. More surprises happened during opening presents but those details I will keep private for personal reasons.

Bad Paragraph By Jonah

Bad Paragraph By Jonah

I had my third double digit birthday on Monday. It was the party of the year. All of my buddies came to my house and we barbecued hot dogs in the backyard.The food tasted like heaven. My friend Josh was not on time, but I was very hungry so since Josh was late I ate his dish. Josh was very furious when he got to the party because I gobbled up his hot dog, so I had to donated Josh some of my rocky road to make everything even. The good thing is, I got some really good revenge at Josh because he ate his strawberry sundae so fast that he brain turned into ice. I felt a little bad for Joshes pain but, he probably deserved it. Maybe the next time I see him, I'll tell you about what happen when we opened my presents!

Matt's Fixed Bad Paragraph

I had an awesome birthday party yesterday, I turned 14.  It was the best birthday I have ever had!  All my friends and cousins came.  At the beach we ate this gourmet food that my mom got.  My cousin Jacob was really late so I thought it would be funny to eat his food.  Jacob was furious at me because I ate his favorite ribs so; I gave him a bit of mine.  I was totally mad that I had to give some of mine.  When we got home from the beach, I got my revenge on him.  He ate the cake so fast he puked all over my mom’s new carpet.  I felt a bit sorry but, I knew inside he deserved it.  Next time all fill you in on the sleep over that night…… 

Fixed Bad Paragraph

Fixed Bad Paragraph

Approximately 24 hours 12 minutes and 51 seconds ago I had my 12th birthday, it rocks being 144 months old A.K.A. 4380 days old A.K.A. 624 weeks old A.K.A. 105120 hours old. I and my friends from the Superior Math Class and the Accelerating Math Club had a blast. My Mom and Dad hired this guy to explain how E=MC2, we were all amazed at how easy the equation was than we had Math cookies they were all shaped like plus signs. My buddy Alberto was late so I ate his share of math cookies, he was so sad that he missed the lesson on E=MC2 so we taught it to him for fun. Alberto got revenge on me for eating his math cookies he did the algebra questions 4.567 nanoseconds before me it was terrible. Luckily at the end I came out to be the champion Alberto rushed so much that he only got 14997 out of 15000 in 3 minutes 57 seconds 3 milliseconds and 0 nanoseconds while I got 15000 out of 15000 in 3 minutes 57 seconds 3 milliseconds and 4.567 nanoseconds it made me feel like a king (I thought I’d get question number 9361 wrong it was y =3.564 x 61 = 19t.588 + 19 x y.123456789903 = n). I felt kind of bad for Alberto his downfall hit him pretty hard. Well maybe next time I’ll tell you about the Extra Dextra Super Duper Pooper Scooper Mega Extreme Ultra Zoom In Microscope my friends got it for me it zooms in up to 9999999999999999999999x bigger than actual size it’s just amazing.

From your pal,

Arieh the Math Geek Guy

New And Improved "Bad Paragrph"

Dear Grandpa and Grandma

Yesterday I was so excited for my twelfth birthday; I could hardly sleep the night before. It was so wonderful to have my friends, around me on my birthday, it really made it special. We opened presents and ate delicious cake at the back of the house. My friend Ross was delayed at soccer practice so I gobbled his food up, MMM! When Ross arrived he was furious that I had his scrumptious piece of pizza, so I gave him my ice cream so he wouldn’t be sour for the rest of the party. He scooped the ice cream to fast into his mouth he got a major brain freeze. I felt sorry for Ross, so I made him a nice cup of hot chocolate. Guess what he burned his tongue, but I guess that story is for another time.

Lots of love,

Kalv

Isabelle's Fixed Bad Paragraph

Yesterday I finally turned 12 years old. It was one fabulous day. Julia, Sarah, Ross and I all hung out. As the pizza melted in our mouth under the blistering sun, Ross arrived. He was an hour and a half late. As he opened the box for pizza he realized that it was empty. With one frustrated faced he turned and asked,
“ Where’s the pizza?”
“ Well I thought you weren’t coming so I let Julia eat it.”
I could see that Ross was a bit mad but it was his fault for coming late. Next course was the cookies n’ cream ice cream. Ross was starving and finished first! He got this huge brain freeze; he looked like his face was about to explode with crisp ice. I felt sorry but there was nothing I could do about it. You don’t even want to hear about the present I got, they were wicked.

Danny's fixed "Bad" Paragraph

Yesterday it was my twelfth birthday and I had this crazy party. We all pigged out on pizza and pop, and then Max took a huge cannon ball into my pool, but he was so full that he puked on everything! My mom had to clean it all up! Since Ross wasn't there yet, I ate both of his pieces of pizza. When he arrived we were already on to the cake and ice cream, and he was pissed 'cause he didn't get to eat his pizza. I felt bad about it, so I then stole Adam's ice cream and gave it to Ross. He ate it so fast though that he got a huge headache and he had to be driven to the hospital in an ambulance. I don't know what was worse, my party, or the fact that we would have to tell Ross' mom what happened.


Danny G.

Aviva fixes the Bad Paragraph

Yesterday I turned twelve years old! I was so happy to be only one year away from becoming a teenager! I invited all of my friends over and we ate pizza inside my tree house until my friend Justine screamed “spider!”. From all the screaming and yelling everything turned into a big mess! We had to move the whole party inside!

The clock was ticking and my friend Ross was already an hour late, I decided that I would eat his slice of pizza. When Ross arrived we were already eating cake.

“Oh…uh….hi Ross,” I said nervously.

“Hello, where's my food?” he said with anger looking at his empty plate.

“Uh…um I thought you weren’t coming so I ate it for you,” I exclaimed.

“Well because of you I have to starve!”

“Um…………sorry Ross I will go ask my mom to order you another pizza,”

“You'd better!” He yelled after me

I won't even start telling you about present time!

You thought the last one was bad...

Fix this paragraph (capitals, spelling, punctuation-it's got it all)

NOTE: Please proofread and spell check your "fixed" paragraph. Don't replace one "bad" paragraph with another.

I had my twelvth birth day yesterday. It was soooo fun! All of my friend's came over and we ate some really good food in the backyard. My friend Ross was really late so I ate his food. Ross was kina mad when he got to the party 'cause I ate his pizza, so I had to give him some of my ice cream to make up for it. But I got some really good revenge because Ross ate his ice cream so fast that he totally go bad brain freeze. I felt a little bad for Rosses headache but, he probably deserved it. Maybee next time Ill tell you about what happen when we opened my presents.