Thanks to all who commented on my last entry, please do the same with this one!
Looking forward to hearing what you all have to say,
Marc L.
words
echo
in my head
as I walk
out of the hallway
in reality
"Injured
Rest
Healing"
three words that I
suspect would be
floating
around my body
for the next year
why me
what did
I do
to deserve this
that Doctor
just took my
identity
away
what am i going
to do
what is my
purpose
now
my team
my soulmates
sharing a
passion that
bound
us together
now that
love
has been
shattered
not only me
but the people
surround me
effected
by this
frustration
a family
tradition
broken
eyes staring at me
in
dismay
searing
agony
hits my body with a
hell-like
pressure
I want to scream
one year
that is too long
for me to be
parted from a
friend
people say things
happen for a
reason
but how can I
beleive that
when all I can think about
are those
studded
shoes
hanging in my room
Thanks,
Marc L.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Parted With a Friend (Draft 1)
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4 comments:
WOW!!!! That one was just as good as your other one! But better, I thought that when you said something about the doctor stealing your identity I thought that maybe you went for a check-up and you came out with a whole new identity and you didn't know who you were. It made so many mental images I couldn't keep track!(in a good way:). Your work is like a real poets poems. You should sooooo publish that poem in book bindings. I couldn't have come up with anything better or closer to yours!
If I were to summarize everything I just said in 1 sentence I would say
"Wow, I'm speechless, but you probably know what I would say to you."
Good job!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its was amazing.
Also I forgot to say:
When you said "love was shattered" It reminded me of a window with the little sticky pictures and something happened to it when an x-couple came and held hands right in the middle of the heart and the window shattered.
P.S. This comment is only if I didnt read the title and if it was the only stanza by itself.
Powerful, very powerful i think maybe you should take out the identity part it makes the stanza sound like the bourne movies.
anyways the poem was very good.
Good job. Keep up your creative thinking
-Arieh
This is a very good poem! You use a lot of powerful words, not fancy words, but they work! You create strong images. I really like the "studded shoes" at the end. :)
Keep it up.
~Shawna
Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary.
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