Please comment!!!!:) Its my first draft:]
I am from a sandy shore
Where I can swim alone
where there are no doors
and where you cant make a clone
It is a tropical place
Its also underwater
Where nothing can be erased
And you can swim with otters.
Note:Im not done But I need comments!!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Where Im from Draft1
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2 comments:
Nini
I think that was a very good first draft because i got lots of sensory images. I think that in the end you should mentiothe place because i thought it could be Vancouver in the summer or Mexico.
Anyway really good job on your first draft! Keep up the writting!
**Fanny**
hmmm... you might want to say there is no door, so that it rhymes with shore, if what you want to do is rhyme. Watch the amount of syllables you have in each line and make sure they flow, because too many can throw off the tune of your poem. Don't forget punctuation!!! Try to follow a central theme, it'll make it easier to write your poem.
~Nomi, Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary
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