Dear Students,
I'm excited to announce that we have a new mentor to share with and learn from. You may remember Nomi, a grade 12 student at Lord Byng High School, from her helpful comments on some of your work earlier this year. Well, she's back with us and has sent me some of her work from the past few years. She has also offered to give writing advice or comment on your poems as you post them. As you'll see from reading her work, she is a talented poet and has the background to give some solid advice to all you budding writers. Let her know what you think of her work.
The Killer Finding Spell is a poem that I worked on for Creative Writing class. The assignment was to expand on something we wrote in our journals, and I chose to turn mine into a poem.
The Killer Finding Spell
From within I pull the song
The one I know so well
It's easy and soft
A spoken spell
I can hear my voice
Drifting through the crowd
It's calm and cool
It's raging and loud
The burning in my skin
Is killing my hands
I'm craving the cold
And silence in the stands.
Ablaze in the soul
Under the skin
I'm heating up quickly
Coming up from within
It's gripping me tight
I've got no control
The spell around me
Is taking its' toll
I'm getting lost quickly
There are sounds all around
There I've got it
The target's been found
I'm grabbing a hold of it
I won't let it go
The waves it's sending
Are moving so slow
All that's left now
Is to sign its' defeat
I only wish my heart
Had just one more beat.
A Sunset Year is just a poem I wrote when I was going through a sunset phase. I actually wrote it in Grade 7, not too far off from your students now. It mostly focuses on repetition.
A Sunset Year
The golden sun,
Was bright and brilliant,
In the evening sky,
An evening sky,
The evening sky.
The sky of pink and peach and purple,
With blue and white in the distance,
Shaded by the fading sun,
A fading sun,
The fading sun.
The only sound made there,
Was the screeching of bikes and cars,
Of clicks and flashes,
And the wind and the waves,
As everybody stared,
They stared,
We stared.
I ask myself why I can't describe it,
There just aren't powerful enough words,
We hear and use the words we can,
But never will describe it,
Describe it majestically,
Describe it perfectly.
Sparkling on the dazzling sea,
The glittering rays,
Of sunlight days,
Fade away,
Away,
Today.
I feel as though,
The undertow could take me,
I'm light as air,
Bedazzled by its beauty,
Its beauty,
Our beauty.
As it fades I shed a tear,
Then I wait another year,
Another year,
A good year,
A sunset year.
Knowing You is a poem I wrote in Grade 10 when my grandfather died. Unfortunately, I did not have the courage to read it at his memorial service, but it feels like a good memory. I also realized that many of your students have written poems on some of their own family members, so I will contribute this to them.
Knowing You
I didn't really know you
Not the way I wanted to.
All I knew was from
Others' stories and memories,
So I didn't really know you.
I have this one memory,
Where I'm very young,
And you smile at me.
You're proud of me,
And we understand
Each other.
I tried to learn your mother tongue,
So I could get to know you.
I didn't learn fast enough.
I feel like I cheated
Because I wasn't there
To see you when
I probably should have.
But I'm here today,
To honour only you.
I'm here to pay
My respects to you,
And only you.
I'm here to say good-bye
And to get to know you,
And only you.
I wrote What I am the same day I found out my grandfather died. It was a very emotional time for me. It's a little dark, and it was meant to be lyrics for a song, so the beat is somewhat rhythmic. Some of your students might enjoy it.
What I Am
You have to let me be
Let me be grumpy
Let me be sarcastic
Let me be snarky
Let me be cynical
You have to let me be
Who I need to be
You watch me
Watch me cry in movies
Watch me cry in shows
But you never see
The tears that count the most
You have to let me be
Let me be grumpy
Let me be sarcastic
Let me be snarky
Let me be cynical
You have to let me be
Who I need to be
In the room all dark
I sit on the floor
My tears leak out
As I rock back and forth
I cry like this
When no ones looking
When I've lost control
When I'm breaking
When I don't want to
I need to
You have to let me be
Let me be grumpy
Let me be sarcastic
Let me be snarky
Let me be cynical
You have to let me be
Who I need to be
But you won't see
'cause you're blind
You won't hear
'cause you're deaf
You won't touch
'cause you can't
You won't taste
what I have.
Because I have me
And that's all
That's all
You have to let me be
Let me be grumpy
Let me be sarcastic
Let me be snarky
Let me be cynical
You have to let me be
Who I need to be
Because I have me
And that's all
That's all
An Accident was actually entered in the annual summer poetry contest that is held by the Poetry Institute of Canada. The PIC uses all the submissions to create an anthology and all participants may purchase a book at a lower rate than the rest of the country. This might be something you want to look into for your students because it's a really cool experience to have your work published. I submitted this in the summer of Grade 6, so I would have been in the same grade as your own students. An Accident was written in response to the road racing awareness week that was going on at my school.
An Accident
If you talk to a certain teen
They may describe a blood-filled scene
Somewhere where a car has crashed
Somewhere where a life was smashed
We are sure now that it was a teenager
But nobody really, truly could wager
The recklessness of that teens' life
That teen was driving on a very thin knife
They clearly did not understand
The skinniness of that strand
The strand of life on which they lived
Did this person ever give,
A kind of love you cannot see?
How will we know that teen will never be.
I have other poems that I can submit to you if you'd like. I just made a random selection of these as samples of different points in my life. I have a few poems from Grade 6 and 7 that I can send you, and also some more recent ones.
Hopefully your students will enjoy these!
Look forward to your student's reactions,
~Nomi, Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
An exciting addition to our Blog family!
Posted by Adam Gelmon at 5:34 PM
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6 comments:
WOW!!! Those are some really good poems you've written! In almost every line you had some sort of sensory image, but in some lines you really have to think and something amazing just pops into your head and that's what I think is creating an image.
My favorite poem was 'Sparkling on the dazzling sea', if you turned it on its side and kept writing the poem from big to small and from small to big it might look like some waves and if you scroll up and down it'll also look like the waves are moving. 'The only sound made there'. That poem reminded me of New York. Maybe you weren't trying to do that but I think hat if you give it to someone that has been to New York more than once and knows what it's like, I bet they'll just say "Thats exactly New York". The first little stanza of 'what I am' is just so simple and natural that it reminded me a bit of the seven dwarf from Disney.
These are some amazing piece's of poetry you have written.
~Nini~
Amazing work!!
just from one line I can make so many sensory images!!! They are so descriptive and thoughtful that the moment i started reeding them it kept me hooked until the end!!
Thank you so much for posting you work!
I know it will help all of us become better writers!
-Aviva
Nomi,
It was crazy for me to see the difference in the poems you wrote in grade 6 and poems you are writing now! It just really gives me an idea of what my poems might look like when I get to your age (if I'm lucky).
You are on brilliant poet with so much more ahead of you. I cannot wait until the moment when I see your name in a poetry book. Hopefully this will not take long!!
Please, can you share many more poems with us, so that we can learn, get inspired, and read great poetry!
Marc L.
I only have one word for you. WOW!!!!
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