Hey grade six this is a poem that i wrote over the weekend. Please comment on it.
Listen
it's a beat
a rhythm
Listen
it's drums
an acoustic
Listen
feel
see
the beat
Soprano
alto
they can sing
to the beat
Listen
to the lyrics
to the words
Listen
just listen
hear
feel
Just listen...
to the beat
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Listen
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3 comments:
Great job taya. I really like your cadence. Just one thing, in the end maybe you should just end of the poem with the second last stanza instead of adding that extra one. (just an idea)
GREAT JOB!
You might want to change that 3rd stanza to:
"Listen
feel and see
the beat"
so that it looks more like the others. And then the 4th stanza to:
"Listen
Soprano, alto
both can sing"
or something like that. Just so it flows more. You know?
Otherwise, I think it's excellent.'
~Nomi, Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary
Taya good job!
I really like the topic you chose because I think alot of people can relate to it!
it was very detailed and it has good cadence.
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