Hey everyone this is my first draft on my poem that I worked on this weekend.
I hope you like it. Please comment
Here is my hand upon the wall
If you stab it blood will fall
As the blood fled
The child was dead
Now the living know that he is gone
And we know what we have done wrong
Here is my hand upon the wall
If you stab it blood will fall
As the blood fled the child was
Dead
6 comments:
Hey Mel!
That was an amazing poem! The whole thing gave me shivers(good shivers)! That is so good!
-Tayz-
I thought that was a really descriptive poem. I liked how you used repetition. At the end there was no line structure and the poem sort of just stopped and no one really knows what happened. And also at the end you said 'here is MY hand...' and then you said 'the CHILD was dead', that confused me a bit if it was actually you or another person. Good sensory images.
nini
Great poem Melody. Can't wait for the next draft.
Marc L.
Great poem Melody. Can't wait for the next draft.
Marc L.
Great poem Melody. Can't wait for the next draft.
Marc L.
Melody,
At first I thought this was written by Max, with all the descriptive gore. But I was shocked when I saw your name. lots of sensory images in this one. You also used repetition which made it more intense. I loved the way you made the poem one stanza except for the last word. Leaving that last word by itself really gave it emphasis and meaning. Awesome cadence with lots of detail. A wow poem. A 5/5. A masterpiece.
Great job Mel,
Bram S.
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