Barbie's Really Good Paragraph

Barbie's Really Good Paragraphh
Cabin 3 likes to party
By: Barbie

Every night at Camp Hatikvah, we are always exhausted because all day long we laugh, hang, and swim at the A, Y, and U docks. When we get back to cabin 3 we all collapse in a giant pile of tangling and twisting arms and legs. In the pile all we do is laugh and laugh. Our counselors, Daneet, Liz, and Ana get so mad. After we calm down our counselors tell us to go to bed but we are famished. Just then we get an idea, let’s go get food from the boys, even though it is past lights out. We quickly dress in black and run, the boys give us chips and candy, we are delighted and we run back to our cabin partying.

Leor's "Really Good" paragraph

At camp, evening is always the most exciting time.

After incredible and exhausting games of tag in the big breezy meadow near our cabin, we would all collapse in a heap of 13 screaming, shouting girls, arms and legs flinging in every direction! We would all burst out with laughter as chortles and chuckles filled our cabin- it was a blast!! After we would cool down a little we would suddenly become starving!! Our Counselors would get furious that our cabin was still awake after midnight; hopefully we would get them to relax so we could open a bag of the delicious, forbidden, junk food.

Noga's...

A Really Bad Paragraph

Every night at camp, when we were weary out from playing an enjoyable game, we would all collapse in a gigantic pile on the wooden floor of our cabin. We would just giggle until we fell down. It felt incredible!
Then, after we calm down we would be starving!
Our counselor would be furious that our cabin was the only cabin awake after midnight, but hopefully we could get her to relax and let us eat chips and sweets that we were not supposed to have eaten our camp till the last day.

Isobel's really good lead

Every evening at Camp Hatikvah we drive our counselors crazy! After our swim at the A dock we we are bouncing off the walls of our cabin, landing on the floor in a big knot of 10 shrieking girls. After our counselors left for the evening, we suddenly were famished with hunger! We snuck into our counsellors room and stole all the chocolate bars and sweet and sour candies! And peculiarly enough they never even noticed... or did they?

-Isobel 6A

Drawing the Lead

Homework

Polished lead based on peer feedback with parent signature (Thurs)

Glossary test (five words) (Fri)

Homework

For Tuesday:

-polished narrative lead
-glossary test corrections
-two new multi-genre glossaries
-binder check including spiral writing notebook

Jacob's Leads

Mr. Linden’s Library
Beginning at the End
I had heard screaming in the house beside mine. Now I cautiously crept over to her house when I opened the door, I found her lying on her bed in a pool of blood. I could have sworn I saw something fly back into the book, like a ghost. I ran over to her. She grabbed my shirt and said in a hoarse voice “Get out of here. Hurry.” Suddenly her eyes widened I shook her but she wouldn’t move. Finally, in a haunted voice she whispered “Behind you…” I whipped around and tried to run, but it was to late. A black figure slid forward and whispered in my ear “No one can know that I exist, so you will share the same fate as your friend…. Death!”

Mr. Linden’s Library
Sound
When she opened the book, a dozen ghostly figures sprang out from the pages of the book and began screaming in their high-pitched voices, and circling her, preventing escape. As she watched, all of the figures grew long, white fangs. The screaming continued. Then the door opened and a figure clad in black ghosted into the room. He pulled back his black hood to reveal his bright, blooded eyes. Her last thought was “Vampire.”

Rosie's leads

Mr. Linden’s library

Action:

She woke up with ferns growing up her arm, teeth getting closer and closer to her face. She knew she had to do something, but what? He had warned her about this book, but she never thought it would come to this! Why? Why hadn’t she just listened? Just once?



Character Introduction:

I got this book from my father, it was called how to rule the world in less than one week. The book wasn’t just any book, but it was THE book. It had everything thing in it, it knew every word every scenario that could happen, everything, the best part was that everything that I had tried from the book actually worked! But again my book outsmarted me and noticed it didn’t need my help, it could rule the world all on it’s own. That’s when the problems started.

Eleane's Leads

Mr. Lindens library

Beginning at the end:

I was 8 years old when I died. The last words I murmured were. “The night has a thousand eyes, and the day but one; yet the light of the bright world dies with the dying sun. The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one; yet the light of a whole life dies when love is done.” As these words came out of my mouth before I died, it was a mystery yet to be answered just as the mystery of how I died. Will they ever be answered who knows?

Sounds:

“Boom, crash, bang” I awoke as soon as the terror came out of the darkness. Something was coming towards me. The noises and shadows were coming right out of my book!

Isobel's Leads

Mr. Linden's Library

Sound

Bang Bang I knocked on her door, it was midnight. Nothing happened, it was silent just the sound of the wind blowing through the window. i knocked again Bang Bang Bang, but still nothing. I slowly opened the door, I suddenly ran to her bed, she wasn’t moving. Her beautiful face was now white as snow. I saw a book laying open on her bed, I picked it up, I fell down, the book was as powerful as that strange man said.

Beginning at the end

I was still, lying in a hospital bed, someone must of found us lying in Elizabeths dorm. But where was Elizabeth? “Elizabeth!” I yelled, but instead of Elizabeth, the librarian came. All he said was “I told her to leave the book alone!”

Barbie's Leads

Beginning at the End: My name is Mr. Linden I am 102 years old. It is almost time for me to die; hut before I die I need to tell someone the truth about me and Maggie Lee Rope. So, I was 45 years old not even middle aged, one day this woman walks into the library and picks the book WWMGMT: The Past. I tell her “don’t get that book” and she says “I don’t care I want this book fully excepting the casualties that follow.” All I am going to tell you is that Maggie was never seen alive again. I will tell you more but you have to read this book first.

Sincerely, Mr. Linden
P.s. Please enclose this in my will

Gabe's Lead

OWWWWWWW, what is this, this green thorny vine, digging in to my skin, like nailing 100 nails into your hand paying as much attention to the draconian pain, getting worse and worse every second, stabbing and swallowing you up, like a runaway convict on a killing spree, he kills you fast but slowly at the same time, like he wants to make you suffer but get it over with, think of that but triple the pain and a third the speed.

Ashley's Leads

I tried to grab onto something but it was pulling me down! I was thinking it was coming from the book but i figured that it was impossible, I looked down and thought to myself "It is possible". Who knew that a book could be so dangerous? I guess its sort of my fault for not listening to Mr linden!
Before I knew it I fell into a pile of sparkles.

I was sleeping when a plant grabbed my arm. I didn’t know how but it was coming out from in the middle of the book. I tried to grab onto the corner of my bed, but I couldn’t, I was just to far away! Just then I remembered what Mr. linden had said to me about this book, he said “never fall asleep when the book is open” but he didn’t tell me why.

Jamie's Lead

Oscar and Alphonse/Immediate suspense
Lilly was running away. It’s very simple, it wasn’t because she was unhappy, she was just sick of it, she was sick of being confined to her room, she was sick of the dull colours, and the dull food. It didn’t matter anyway, she wasn’t wanted and she knew it, it’s better for everyone if she wasn’t at the foster home anymore. So she ran, and ran and ran, she didn’t stop until her foot got stuck in The Hole. It wasn’t a particularly big hole and it wasn’t a particularly different hole but she knew it was special. While she started making it bigger she saw two caterpillars, they were different, just like the hole. They weren’t moving, just standing there, even when she picked them up, they just stood on her hand. As she was about to put them down they started to wiggle, then crawl and finally form a word, “HI”. They weren’t any ordinary caterpillars, she knew that.

Archie Smith, boy wonder/Dialogue
“Is he the one?” whispered Dinky.
“I can’t be sure” replied Fingo. “He doesn’t look very mighty, but he isn’t full grown, yet.”
“Well, I think he’s just perfect, look at him, so peaceful”
“Enough with the mushy stuff, let’s get back to business!” snapped Fingo.
“Oh, all right” Dinky said with a sigh.
Fingo grunted loudly while he climbed onto Archie’s bed, I suppose that’s what woke him up, and I suppose the reason he screamed was because, well, he woke up to a wrinkly mini man, or a pixie, but that’s the same thing isn’t it?
“Who are you, or, what are you!?” asked Archie.
“Sssshhhh” said Dinky “you have to come with us, we need you to save pixie world!”
“We’re depending on you!” said Fingo sternly.
“KNOCK KNOCK”
“Archie? What’s wrong?” asked Archie’s mom at the door.

Dara's Leads

Mr. Linden's Library

“Life is magical you are magical but this book is extra magical it has powers” those were the words that ran through my head. I could not stop them. As I woke up I hoped it was all a dream but it was not they would not stop. Then I heard a voice Mr Lindens voice, And as I got out of bed I disappeared.



“What is that?” I started to lose the feeling in my leg. Then my other leg and then my right arm. It was not cold outside in fact it was 30 degrees. Maybe it was the book. Mr linden had warned me about it. Maybe i should have worried and listened. Then I heard a voice, Mr lindens voice. As I tried harder then I ever have to get out of bed I disappeared.

Salome's Leads

Practicing the Lead

Oscar and Alphonse

1. Character Introduction.
Emma had never been out of her gloomy old house and never got company. Her biggest dream was to explore the wild and deep forest outside her yard; sadly she was too terrified to do so. But all of that changed when she met Oscar and Alphonse.

2. Suspense
I still remember the day I met them. It was a day like no other, but it changed my life forever.

3. Dialogue
"Emma, it is time for us to leave," Oscar said sorrowfully, he was looking at her straight in the eyes; she just had to understand.
"But I need you," She objected. Her voice was firm but a bit insecure.
"We’re sorry." Said Alphonse, climbing up Emma's finger and sitting on top of it.

Homework

1. Two multi-genre glossary entries from Fairy Tale vocabulary (Tues)

2. Binder checks

3. Reading lists: placed in front of binder and signed by parents (Tues)

Homework

-Reading lists emailed to agelmon@talmudtorah.com by Friday
-Complete your table of contents and number pages in writing notebook
-Binder Check (next Tuesday)
-Bingo prizes

Yaakov's Thoughts

Yaakov’s Thoughts

A) Amir
#7: I think that Amir’s quote means that even though it is a garden and gardens are beautiful, this was the community garden. This community garden didn’t only contain beautiful fruits and vegetables like pumpkins, radishes and eggplants, but it also became the home base to all different races and ethnicities of Cleveland. When all of the people in the garden became friends, Amir’s quote makes complete sense.

B) Florence
#5: In this book, when all of the people joined the garden, they all became part of their own small community. When Florence refers to all of the gardeners as “Seedfolks”, I am guessing that she giving a name to the small community of people in the garden in her own way.

#6: I'm guessing that Florence wrote this chapter at least one year after the event happened. My reason for thinking this is that when she says "that year", it means that at least a year past after the cold winter.