Hey guys, I'm probably not going to publish the top one, but it was on the top of my head and I wanted to see a bit of how it looked like, then I changed it a bit into stanzas:
It takes 2 to hug
It takes 2 to share
It takes 2 to laugh
It takes 2 to dream
It takes 2 to build
It takes 2 to love
and care for the world
Or...
You need someone to
hug you when
your alone
You need someone to
share a toy when
your alone
It takes 2 to
tickle and make the
other laugh
You need someone to
dream with when
your alone
You need 2 to
build something with
some one else
It takes 2 people
to love each other when
their alone
-Janine-
It takes 2 to hug
It takes 2 to share
It takes 2 to laugh
It takes 2 to dream
It takes 2 to build
It takes 2 to love
and care for the world
Or...
You need someone to
hug you when
your alone
You need someone to
share a toy when
your alone
It takes 2 to
tickle and make the
other laugh
You need someone to
dream with when
your alone
You need 2 to
build something with
some one else
It takes 2 people
to love each other when
their alone
-Janine-
5 comments:
Janine that was an amazing poem, it really told me how much a person needs a omapanion.
PS I liked the first one better
This is a powerful message, and it's beautifully written. You said "your" instead of "you're" every time, maybe go back and change that. I like the expanded version better, it shows more depth.
Wonderful.
Madeline
Writing 12, Lord Byng
Janine,
The first one was better
Though the second was longer
The first had more structure
The second seemed to rupture
They are both amazing
But the first was more surprising
I've written couplets for you
Hopefully inspiring too
Liked it with a passion
Perhaps the new fashion?
Now the second was longer
But the first was better.
~Nomi, Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary
PS. I enjoyed reading them both, but the first one just jumped out and struck me and when I finished reading it, I was like "wow..." because it was just that good. Don't expand it, it's fine the way it is. Short and simple, short and sweet, short and loving, short and neat. Anyways, keep writing, good luck. You should try prose sometime. Seems like you might like it.
Nomi,
Thanks again for another helpful comment. But whats a Prose?
Thank you so much for your comment I bet it will help a lot.:)
-nini-
Prose is story writing. It can be short or long. It can be about anything you like. I think you would really enjoy it.
Sorry I didn't get back to your comments for such a long time! I lost the website ^^;;
Hope you're still writing lots of poetry!
~Nomi, Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary
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