Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Beach

Hi everyone,

I started writing a poem but I am stuck and I don't know what to write next.

Here it is:

Playing in the sand

making an island

out of shovels and pails

watching the fish’ scales


Looking at the sea

not so far away from me

the waves

crashing against the

seashore


From,
Shak

P.S. Please comment

5 comments:

Jonah said...

That is all you need. It is good like that!

Marc L. said...

Love it!

Marc L.

Nini said...

Thats really good! If I were writing that I would maybe write it as a hole days point of view or how the sand feels nice. I think you should also say where this beach is because if you say someplace in mexico, I think it will be easier to relate to because mexico is probably something like what you are going to explain about. I think its really good...and maybe you should make visible rhyme scheme that someone can recognize throug out the whole poem.
I love it!
Nini

Aviva said...

Great poem Shak!!

sensory images all the way through!

Shak-Shak said...

Thank you all for the comments. They really helped.

-Shakaed