Reflections
This term I learned that writing a story cant be perfect on the first draft and that you have make a couple drafts before you can have your final draft. I learned how to make an effective lead and conclusion and not to leave the reader hanging at the end of your story. I learned that using sensory language can really grab the reader into the story. I learned how to write dialogue with proper conventions and I also learned how to do peer editing. I really enjoyed learning how to construct a proper story this term.
- Maayan Fadida
There are a lot of things that I learned while writing my twisted fairytale. I learned how to use proper grammar and use proper dialogue. I learned how to have a good lead, title and a good conclusion. I learned how to organize my story and how to make it clear for others. i learned how to proofread better other people's work and mine. I learned how to comment effectively on people's work. I learned how sensory language can make your story more dramatic and better. I learned how to change my word choice to make my story more interesting.
-Adi
I learnt how to correct other people's work as well as mine. I also learnt how to check spelling/grammer. I learnt how to write a good story using the rubric. over all I thought this was a great project!
What I learned by writing the twisted fairytales was how to use the six traits of writing effectively and efficiently.
I learned how to write a lead effectively because now I can write a lead that grabs a reader and makes people want to read my story. I learned how to use conventions effectively because now I can make proper sentences that actually make sense and don’t make the reader stop and have to figure out how to read it. I learned how to use dialogue effectively because I can now write dialogue and make it interesting and use all of the rules of dialogue. I learned how to use sensory language because now I can write a story that is interesting and captivating by using interesting and captivating words such as “She ran as fast as she could, panting and sweating, she stumbled upon a protruding root.” I learned how to organize my story and be smoother than before, also for it to make more sense to the reader. I learned how to write and effective conclusion and close the story with a “BANG!” instead of a “slosh…”
In term two I learned a lot of new skills about writing. I learned that you shouldn't jump to the first draft before knowing all the ideas and details that are going in to your story. One way that I learned how to do this, was by reading essays or narratives (etc.) that had the same idea as my topic, then map out my story. I have also learned how to use proper dialogue skills, sensory language, leads and conclusions. When I look back to how I wrote last year and then read my fractured fairy tale, I think WOW! Iv'e improved.
This term I learnt a lot about constructing a short story. I learnt how to make an effective lead and conclusion, for example to grab the reader, and not to be random with the ending. I learnt how to use strong sensory language, clear dialogue, and how to peer edit. I learnt that it's not easy to have a perfect story, that it takes time, effort, and more than just one draft. When I look at my first draft, then my final draft, I see many changes that and I see how much it has improved. I really understand how to use the basics of writing now.
In term two I have learned a lot about writting. From reading other people's stories to writting our own. I learned how to write proper leads, conclusions, and dialogue. I have also learned how to use dialogue, how to place it, if it needs to be capitilized, if it should be indented ect. I would like to thank the editors who helped me write my 2nd and final draft. I can look back and see all my emprovment.
In term two I learned a lot about writing. From reading other stories similar to your idea, to finishing my final draft. I learned that writing is not easy, it takes time and effort. Good sensory language, dialogue, leads, conclusions are what make a story effective. I learned with Mr. Gelmon how to use all those skills properly. Also I look back and can see how different my first draft is to my final draft, thanks to my peer editors!
I learned about what makes a lead a good lead and also what makes a lead a bad lead - a good lead has to catch the writers attention and make them want more. A bad lead is boring and leaves the reader wanting to read another book.
I also learned about dialogue and how to use it properly in a sentence.
Learning about conclusions was interesting - I learned that a good conclusion is something that is very satisfying to the reader. A bad conclusion, is something random, like "And then I woke up" or something boring like "And then I died".
Learning how to make a good story is a very long process, but I think that in the end, the end result was definitely worth it.
Reflections
By Gil Ashkenazy 6B
Effective leads draw the reader into the story. The beginning of a story usually makes or breaks whether people will read it.
“I learned a lot of skills about writing dialogue,” expressed Gil. “It’s easier than I thought it would be.”
Did you know that a paragraph is not just a random collection of sentences? It is actually a group of sentences that relate to the same idea. A paragraph is like a container that contains one idea. It usually has a topic sentence and a conclusion. Five to seven sentences make up an ideal paragraph. I learned the value of sensory images. For example, I could see the pale blue sky, smell the fresh aroma of cinnamon buns, feel the mud between my toes and I could hear the birds chirping while I was writing my story. Learning about fairy tale breakdown is an important part of learning to write fairy tales. Writing fractured fairy tales is an interesting process.
Final Drafts of Fractured Fairly Tales due Monday. Please prepare your packages to hand in to me, and make sure that all of your previous drafts are included. Those of you who decided to enter the short story contest, please remember to put your envelope in the mail by Sunday night.
Shabbat Shalom
My book is called:
BRIGANDS M.C. by Robert Munchamore
Short description of book
This books main character is Dante Scott, his family were brutally killed by a biker gang called the Brigands M.C. When Dante gets to go on a mission to try to infiltrate them. Will his life before Cherub interfere with his mission’s intentions? Will Dante go too far? This book is truly amazing and it is written very well.
I’d recommend this book to
To people who have already read the rest of the series and to kids twelve to 16.
BRIGANDS M.C is available in Chapters, Kids books and other book stores.
Respectfully submitted by: Shane Rozen -Delman
Title: The General Author: Robert Muchamore
Short description of the book
This book is about 10 Cherub agents who go to the world’s largest urban warfare training compound to strengthen America’s army. This book is very fast paced with lots of action. It takes you through the whole war between the 10 Cherub agents, the American army and more. Also this book has everything from romance to action.
I’d recommend this book to...
Boys and girls ages 11-15 who like to read about action and drama. It may also be of interest to stronger readers who have already read other books from this series.
The General is available in Mrs. Weintrub’s class room or at Chapters and Kidsbooks.
Submitted by: Shane Rozen-Delman on February 4th 2010
Oliver Parker is an ordinary, uncomplicated and unsophisticated American boy living in the lovely city of Paris. On a gloomy and sinister January night, his life takes a sudden turn when he is crowned king of Epiphany Night. His casual and traditional celebration is interrupted when a ghostlike boy appears at his kitchen window. The boy hisses to him in a soft and gentle voice, informing him that it's crucial that he returns to his throne to rule over his loyal subjects and defeat their life-long enemy.
I recommend this book to anyone from the age of ten and up that likes fantasy with a touch of French history and who truly enjoys anything with an extraordinary twist. An incredible story filled with action and imagination.
You can find this book at public libraries and at Chapters. Salome
1. Effective Feedback Worksheet
2. Prepare your package for writers' workshop
Both due Thursday
Once upon of time there was a girl name Little Blue Sue. She was very blue and her name was originally Sue. She wanted to go on a journey a journey to her sister’s hut. Her sister’s name was Hana. But this wasn’t any ordinary journey because she had to go through a desert to get to her sister’s hut. She tried to picture an image of what would be in the desert. But she could not picture anything.
“ What if … no, not that!” said Little Blue Sue as she created a scary picture in her mind.
“I guess I could give Hana a call and ask what I would need on this journey.”
“ Ring, ring!”
“Hi this is your sister Little Blue Sue.”
“Is that really you Little Blue Sue? I have not seen you for ages!” Screamed Hana in to the phone.
“Yah I was just calling to ask you a question about the desert, since I am going to your hut.”
“What is it?”
“Well I know this is kind of embarrassing but what do you need in the desert.”
“You should bring what you think you will need. That’s my one piece of advice.”
By now Little Blue Sue had exactly one hour if she wanted to make it for lunch. But she was still deciding what she should bring. Dumb enough she brings nothing but her.
Now Little Blue Sue is on her journey. She can’t wait to arrive! She is getting exhausted and needs to take a brake of walking. So she takes a brake and sits right next to the palm tree. A few minutes later she resumes walking. “Boo!” Says a creepy animal from behind Little Blue Sue.
“Oh my G-D who are you.”
“ I am about to be your worse night mare.” Said the Carcass
The carcass takes her arm and strangles her. Now he begins to take her slowly to her sister’s hut. But little Blue Sue doesn’t know where he is taking her. Now Little Blue Sue is nervous her life is on the line. But she won’t say a word.
Now the Carcass had stopped walking and let go of Little Blue Sue. “We arrived.” said the Carcass “ and your life is about to get more miserable.”
Little Blue Sue sees a hut. She thinks its Hana’s hut. It is! Hana walks out and could tell that the carcass was giving Little Blue Sue a hard time. Now Hana jumps on the Carcass’s back and says
“You have three chances to get out of my hut and give us a little present because of your rude behavior.”
“ Now whose life is about to get more miserable”? Said Little Blue Sue.
Little Blue Sue and Hana now are chatting it up and thinking what his three chances should be.
“I got it.,” said Hana.
“What, what”
“So I will tell you each chance he gets as we go on let put it this way you will love what I’m about to do to him.”
The carcass knows that his three chances are goanna be very scary but he has a lot of fear. The first chance he gets is… He will ether give Little Blue Sue and Hana a present and get out of Hana’s hut or he will get a quarter of his body chopped off.
“We will be extra nice and let you decide what quarter of your body do you want chopped off.” Said Little Blue Sue and Hana.
“ I want no part of my body chopped off.”
“ I guess we can always do it the easy way and just chop your whole body into pieces.”
“Never mind then.”
The carcass finally decided after ten minutes that the quarter of his body that was getting chopped off was goanna be his head and his arms.
“Oh yah one more thing how would you like to be chopped up.”
“ I don’t care just get it over with.”
The end results were Little Blue Sue and Hana cut his arms and head with an axe but he still managed to keep living.
“ Looks like its time for us to give you another chance to get out and give us a present.”
“This time it’s going to be very harsh for two reasons. The first reason is you don’t chooses what parts of your body you want cut off we do. The second reason is your getting half your body chopped up.”
“What part should we chop up this time Hana?”
“I think we should chop off every thing waist and below.”
“ I agree. Also this time we should use a knife so it takes more time to chop up.”
Now all the carcass has is a stomach and hands. The carcass is now thinking should I go or should I stay.
“We are giving you one more chance.”
“What will happen if I stay”?
“You will see.”
“Ouch.” The carcass says.
Little Blue Sue and Hana end up killing the rest of him with their hands. So Little Blue Sue and Hana lived happily ever after and the carcass ended up having the miserable life. Because he ended up getting murdered. The End.
By Oren Balshin
The 12 dancing princes
-By: Barbie
THIS MY FRIST DRAFT!!!!!
Once upon a time in faraway place lived a king and his 12 handsome sons. In a nearby land lived another king and his pretty daughters. Every night the princes went somewhere and danced their shoes to pieces with princesses, which troubled the king very much. No one new where the princes went. The 12 dancing princesses in the land nearby, danced with 12 princes, they also danced their shoes to pieces. Well obviously they danced with each other.
Both kings stated that if someone could find out where the princes and princesses went they could choose one for their husband or wife.
One dark day an old woman saw the miller daughter.
“Hello miss,” crackled the old woman.
“Hi, I better be on my way now,” the girl replied politely, for she was not supposed to talk to strangers.
“Where are you going?” asked the woman.
“To my father’s mill.”
“OH! Well, maybe you can go to the castle on your way. Once there you can try to figure out where the princes go,” the old woman said. Something in the old woman’s voice made the miller’s daughter feel uneasy.
“I would rather not,” said the girl in a strong voice.
“Please, not even for an old woman?” the woman pleaded.
“Okay, I will, just for you though.”
“Thank-you, very much!”
“Is there I need to know?” chattered the girl.
“Yes, the princes will give you wine, do not drink it, then this take this cloak and cover your whole body in it and follow them,” the old woman crackled.
“Thank you very much! Bye,” the girl said and then bid farewell.
That night the eldest prince came and gave the millers daughter wine. The girl because she did not believe the old woman drank the wine and fell asleep. While the girl was asleep the princes and the princesses danced together at the golden castle. They drank dainty drinks, and ate dainty food too.
The next day when the king asked the miller’s daughter where the princes go she said “I do not know because I was asleep.
“Off with her head!” the king commanded
“No! May I at least have one more chance?”
“No! You can’t! Take he to gallows guards, seize her.”
“Okay boss!”
They gallows were at the back of the castle. When prisoners were taken they first imprisoned in the foal smelling cells and after one week they were taken to the dark suffocating cement rooms at the back at were looked over by the executioners, lastly they were taken to willow tree that looked like a navy blue sheet from all the body cloths from the many people that had been hung previously.
After the hanging the eldest son says to his father “Dad, come by the bedroom at ten’ O clock, I have something to show you.
“Sure thing son,” the king replies eagerly because he really wanted to no where his sons went every night.
That night the king arrives at the prince’s door at exactly ten, and he walks in. As he walks in he catches a glimpse of a shiny peal white with a hint of pink diamond ring being put into the eldest prince’s pocket.
“Hey dad,” chirps the seventh prince, he is far the most happy.
“Hey mister!” the king replies.
“Let’s go now,” the eldest one said briskly.
Once down the secret stairwell the princes lead their father through a twisting and turning maze of passage ways that are full of cobwebs. Once through the passage what the king finds himself in a clearing with silver, peach, and cherry trees. The eldest prince then leads the king to an opal blue river, there he sees the king of the near by land.
“What is going on?” says the father of the princes
“I have no idea!” says the father of the princesses
“All I know is that I saw a diamond ring being shoved into my eldest son’s pocket.”
“Really! Maybe we’ll have a joint kingdom.”
“Maybe.”
“Dad come over here,” shouts the eldest son.
“What”
“I am about to propose. Emily you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world and I want to be with you forever. Will you commit to spending the rest of your life with me? Will you marry me?”
“Of course I will. I love you now and will always love u forever.”
“OH! Emily!”
The next day there is a wonderful gallant wedding in the clearing. The newly wedded husband and wife were wedded under the silver, cherry, and peach trees. They were in their best clothes a satin white dress that looked like clouds floating in the air for the girl and a king’s dress outfit for the man.
Now twenty years later they live in the golden castle and have 12 children just like their parents.
The end
Goldenlock and the 3 Hairs
Once upon a time there lived 2 little hairs. The 2 little hairs were as happy as could be. One day they had a baby hair. They played with it, kissed it, loved it, and made it food. They always used to brush it with its nice pink brush.
Mean while there lived lock next door named Goldenlock. She wanted to know everything. She would peek out of her window and stare at the baby wondering when it was born or if it was adopted.
About 3 years later…
“The shampoo should be ready in 1 hour,” said Medium hair.
“Park Park!” yelled Baby hair.
Medium hair finished mixing the shampoo and put it in the fridge to set.
So medium, big, and baby hair put on their beanie and there cardigan and opened the store cabinet and left.
“Look at this nice little house,” said Goldenlocks. “I think I will just take a little peek inside.” So Goldenlock opened the door and went in.
Goldenlock was a very “nosey” little thing. She opened the fridge and saw shampoo. She said “maybe I’ll just use a little,” opening up medium hairs shampoo. “This shampoo is too lumpy, and this shampoo is too small,” she said opening up Baby hair’s shampoo. “But this shampoo is just right,” so she goes in the shower and uses big hairs shampoo all up.
Goldenlock sees hats and thinks she would look great if she tried it on. So she tried Medium hairs hat on “This hat is too big,” she said. Goldenlock tries on big hairs hat “this hat is too lumpy.” So she tries on Baby hairs hat and it fits juuust right. But then she falls and it breaks. “Whatever they would never notice” Goldenlock announced.
Goldenlock is walking around the house acting like she lives there and she comes across some beautiful brushes. So she uses them she brushes herself with them.
Little did she know that big, medium and baby hair were coming back from there walk. And as they walk into the kitchen they see no shampoo left for big hair, a broken hat for baby hair, and they see the girl next door brushing herself with their hair brushes??
“This cannot be,” said big hair. But he knew it was.
Goldenlock turned around and saw them. She was so freaked out that right then and there she killed all three of them.
The End!!!
