hi guys i was wondering if you could help with this poem because im kind of stuck. Also i was wondering if tou could say if theres anything wrong with it and whats a good title for it.
here it is.
what happens when you have a scary dream,
as real as they might seem.
what happens when you have a scary drem,
so scary you want to scream.
what happens when you have a scary nightmare,
and they take you to there lair.
what happens when you have a scary nightmare,
and what they do is not compelety fair.
thankyou guys
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
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6 comments:
sorry i ment to say you instead of tou
hi aleesha i think that poem is really good because i could see sensory images you have a few spelling mistakes there- their, drem- dream i also like the rhyme
- Sharon
hey aleesha,
great ryhmed except for the last sentence maybe you should write
"what they do is completely not fair" instead of what you wrote.
Otherwise great job!
Hi Aleesha,
I really liked your poem especially the part when you say
"what happens when you have a scary dream, so scary you want to scream".
You might want to fix your spelling mistakes as other people said but otherwise great poem!
- Sari
Aleesha that was a really amazing poem, it was really discriptive too! i saw tons of sensory images and i loved how it rhymed. when i read it i would think that a grade senven wrote it!
great job!
melody
hmmm... second dream is spelt wrong in second stanza. In third stanza wrong their.
Otherwise, your poem is good. It doesn't completely flow and that might be due to an excess of syllables in the first lines of the third and fourth stanza. You might want to think on the choice of words a bit, but it seems like a cool idea.
Good luck!
~Nomi, Grade 12, Lord Byng Secondary
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