Sunday, February 28, 2010

Seth's Fairy Tale

Once upon a time family of ducks lived on a farm. There was one mother duck and three ugly ducklings and one egg still waiting to hatch. One day, the last egg finally hatched and a huge flash of light sprang out of the egg shells and a beautiful duck walked out of the light. Every second you looked at him, it looked like he was glowing!
The next day, the whole family went to the farmhouse to talk to the other animals. The mother duck was so proud of the beautiful duckling that she paid most attention to him instead of the other ducks. The mother took them to talk with the roosters, but it would only be her talking about how great the beautiful duckling was. After a while of the mother duck always bragging about the beautiful duckling, the three ugly ducklings became jealous and they had to do something about it.
One night after the beautiful duckling and the mother duck had gone to sleep, they started to think of plans to solve their problem. They thought that if they were to sabotage the beautiful duckling’s beauty, then the mother duck would pay the same amount of attention to them and she would not have anything to brag about. So they thought of many ideas to do this, but they decided they would try to hit him with something in his sleep.
The next day, the mother duck decided to take the ducklings for a swim at the pond. When they got there, the three ugly ducklings went over the plan. While they were swimming the beautiful duckling said,
“What are you guys talking about,” he asked.
“None of your business,” the three ugly ducklings replied. The beautiful duckling did not know why the ugly ducklings were acting so weird around him lately. He had not done anything wrong towards them so he knew there was something up, but he wondered what?
The next night the ugly ducklings put their plan to work. After the beautiful duckling had gone to sleep, they all tip-toed towards him with the only thing they could find... a shovel. They came close to him and one of the ugly ducklings took the shovel and wacked the beautiful duckling. They thought that it should definitely do the trick. What they did not know was that the beautiful duckling went to the washroom and they had just hit his stuffed animals.
The next morning the three ugly ducklings were very excited for their day free from their mother showing off the beautiful duckling. Before the beautiful duckling woke up, the ugly ducklings were acting extremely excited. The mother duck knew they were up to something. So she asked them,
“What are you three so excited about?”
“Oh nothing,” they replied while shaking. Then a huge ball of light appeared and the ugly ducklings were very excited. They knew they made him ugly but not ugly enough to make him have light reflecting off of him! Then they saw the beautiful duckling, but when they saw him, he was definitely not what they expected. He was even more beautiful than before! But how, they thought, could this possibly be! He walked towards them and acted like nothing had happened!
So the ugly ducklings decided there was not a way to deal with their problem and they would just have to let it go. They could not do anything about it. So they let time pass and they dealt with the jealousy and the boasting of their mother. When they got older, they could not take it any longer. They decided all three of them would move away together and not have to deal with the beautiful duckling and their mother.
The next morning, they were going to make their move. The mother did not mind if they went, all she cared about was having the beautiful duckling to brag about. So when the ugly ducklings started walking away, they felt weird and a bit sick and wondered what was happening to them. They went back to their mother and the beautiful duckling. Oddly the beautiful duckling was feeling weird and sick too. They looked in the mirror and they all looked completely different! The ugly ducklings were beautiful and the beautiful duckling was ugly! The ugly ducklings finally got what they wanted, no more bragging from their mother. The mother now treated them greatly, but they did not like it for one reason. She started to treat the beautiful duckling like she had treated the ugly ducklings. So the ugly ducklings decided they were still going to move away, and invite the beautiful duckling to come so he did not have to be treated like the ugly ducklings were treated.
The next day at the ducklings’ new pond they were all very happy and they taught their mother a lesson about treating everyone equally no matter how ugly or how beautiful they are. The ducklings lived happily ever after.

3 comments:

Salome said...

Dear Seth, this is a very sweet and original story. I saw very few convention errors. Your story was well organized, great job!-Salome

Izzy said...

Seth, I loved your story! Since this is just a rough draft these are your scores.
Title and Lead, 3.5 it was clear grabs the reader.
Conventions, a few of your sentences were not clear but the rest were O.K. I would give you a 3 on this.
Dialogue, the dialogue you used was really good, there was a good amount in your story and most of the time the dialogue followed the rules I would give you a 2.5.
Sensory Language, frequent and appropriate use of sensory language, I would give you a 3.
Organization, 4 you had your story really planed out well, it was well organized and had a very clear beginning middle and end.
Conclusion, 4 the ending is powerful and very
effective.
Good Job on your story!

Chloe said...

Seth
I liked how you put a twist in and killed the handsom duck.
It was very very funny.
I really enjoyed reading it.

:) Chloe