Monday, February 22, 2010

Goldy paws and the three little pigs

Once upon a time there lived a bear named Goldy Paws. Goldy paws loved taking walks in the forest she loved stepping on the gravel because it made crunch beneath her feet and she loved the smell of fresh air. One gorgeous summer day while Goldy Paws was enjoying the gorgeous day and didn’t notice how far she had wandered into the forest. When she noticed how far she had gone into the forest she began to feel tired luckily she soon came across a house made out of hay Goldy paws decided that she would stop for just a minute little did she know that it belonged to one of the three little pigs. She went in and sat down she began to feel itchy Goldy Paws forgot that she was allergic to hay. Her eyes began to water and her nose began to itch and she AAAAA AAAAA AAAAA CHOOOOOOED, the house down!!!! Goldy Paws felt very embarresed so she ran even deeper into the forest. Soon after she left a wolf came by the straw and said “Hey I’m supossed to Huff and puff and blow this house down but somebody has already been here that’s strange.” The wolf decided he would get to the bottom of this so he made his way down the trail fallowing Goldy paws tracks. Meanwhile Goldy Paws had been running through the forest and was extremely tired so she stoped in the nearest house she could find she finally came across a house made of sticks she sat down on a chair in the house but a stick kept poking her in the back so she pulled it out and the whole house came down around her. So for the second time that day she ran deeper into the forest. Meanwhile yet again the wolf found the house destroyed and said “ I was supposed to Huff and puff and blow this house down.” The wolf knew a short cut to the next house and was sure that he would find the person that was blowing the houses down and sure enough he did beat Goldy Paws to the house then he put his plan into action. When goldy pause came into the she said “finally a chair fit for me it even has fur on it!’ so she sat down and the wolf did eat her. And still to this day bears don’t wander to far into the forest.

4 comments:

Jamie said...

I thought that was a great story Rachel!
The only things you could improve are: Comma's, you didn't put many comma's or periods in there and I felt as if I were reading one long sentence. Another thing is that you have spelt a few things wrong such as: follow, you spelt it fallow.
Great story!
Jamie

maayan said...

rachel i think you had really good sensory words because when you said that she loved stepping on the gravel and the crunch under her feet it really made me feel like i was doing that. i really liked your conclusion because you ending because you didnt leave me hanging but with just enough information GOOD JOB RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!! when you publish this is it going to be really good.

Eleane said...

Rachel amazing story! As Jamie said you could really improve your punctuation otherwise good job!
Eleane

Eleane said...

I forgot to say as Maayan already did. I loved the sensory language! Good job!!!