Monday, February 22, 2010

snow white-continued

Snow White- continued- by Hana 6a


“Once upon a time lived a sweet, little girl named Snow White she was very loved, but one day her step mom tried to kill her...”

Okay, so you guys all know that story, right? Well, now I’m back in the palace with my husband, my father, the adorable 7 dwarfs, the looking mirror and my stupid, evil, ANNOYING step mom! And no, I’m not alone with my husband in a wonderful castle WITHOUT my step mom.

It has been 5 years, and now I finally feel like it is the time for me to get revenge on that Queen. I was thinking and thinking, but I had a blank out. Then, I got a great idea to ask my Step mom’s trusty looking mirror for help!

“Looking mirror, oh looking mirror, I want revenge on my step mother, but I have no idea what to do! Any ideas?”

“Yes, yes, how about you do exactly what your step mom did to you?”

“You mean send my hunter to kill her...?”

“Of course that is what I mean!!” replied the looking mirror.

“Well, since its you, the famous looking mirror, always with good ideas, I guess I will do that!”

The next day I sent my hunter to go kill my Step mom in the middle of the woody, leafy, grassy, forest, and of course I sent him to the exact emerald colored tree where she tried to kill me! If I was going to go through with this plan I was going to do it right!

“Excuse me, hunter, umm, why do you have a silver knife in your back pocket?” asked the Queen (step mom) anxiously while she and the hunter were speeding through the forest.

“I don’t know how to truthfully say this to you but, umm...you know what I’m just going to come out and say it! Snow White wants revenge, so she sent me to come kill you, but I’m not going to kill you! Because one day you and Snow White will have to resolve your issues.”

“Thank you for not killing me! It means the world! But what should I do now?”

“Go past the 7 huge hills and stay calm! Everything will fall into place!”

So, my Step mom went past the 7 huge hills (just like me) and then she finally found a place...

“I wonder who lives in this little cute shack...” said the Queen (to herself) as she was opening the door to the house.

While my mother was searching through the house she realized everything was by sevens; 7 plates, 7 beds, 7 chairs, 7 baths. The beds were small, large, tall, thin and wide. Each bed had a name imprinted on it the first was humble then mate, then silly, pettish, jolly, drowsy and the 7th was sniffles.

Finally after about 3 hours my Step mom met the owners of the shack...

“Excuse me! Who are you? and why are you in our house, you know this isn’t a community center, it’s the 7 girl dwarfs house!!!!!” said pettish furiously.

“Well, I’m the Queen, but my step daughter is mad at me cause...its embarrassing..I tried to kill her, because she was the fairest lady of them all and i wanted to be that. Now I have realized I shouldn’t have done that, but she is still mad...”

“I see..” said jolly curiously...

“So can i stay with you guys?”

“Sure,” said Silly, before anyone else could get a word in.

“Wait, do you know the 7 dwarfs by any chance?” asked Humble, Mate and Drowsy.

“Yes, yes I do. They love my step daughter, Snow White, but there not fond of me...”

“Oh you can for sure stay with us then, we DESPISE those boys!” said the 7 girl dwarfs.

“Thank you so much! I promise I will follow what ever you girls say.”

“You can do whatever you want just don’t let ANYONE in. You never know, it could be your step daughter...” said sniffles in a calm but scared voice.

The 7 girl dwarfs let my evil Step mom stay with them. She never thought that I knew about her staying with the dwarfs, but I knew...I even asked the trusty looking mirror for some more help!

“Looking mirror, oh looking mirror I need some (more) help! I know where my Step mom is! She’s alive and fine, living with the 7 girl dwarfs. What should I do?”

“Snow White, I already told you what to do!”

“Oh yah, do what she did to me...”

Just like what my Step mom did to me, I went into disguise as an ugly, old woman, and it was perfect because she didn’t suspect one thing!

“Knock, knock, knock” That was me, knocking on the door, of the 7 girl dwarfs house in the middle of the day, while they were at work!

“Hello? Who is it?” answered my Step mom through the window.

“Its me, the old woman selling goodies” I answered.

“I’m not aloud to let anyone in! So please leave.” replied my mother.

“Just have one of my apples, there fresh from the apple trees in my garden. It would make my day if you would have a little bit of the tasty white part” I said happily.

Right before my Step mom was going to eat the apple I just knew I couldn’t do this anymore! So I took off my disguise and told her the truth. By then the 7 girl dwarfs were already there. So I told them all how I was sorry. Also, I said that I wanted them to come to my palace (including my Step mom) and they could live with me! Instead of having to work every day in those dirty gold mines.

“That sounds great! Although we have a slight issue.” said the cute little dwarfs.

“What might that problem be?” I answered.

“The 7 dwarfs and us don’t get along very well. Long story short, 10 years ago we got into a fight about our gold mines, sense then we haven’t spoken...”

“Don’t worry about them! They have grown up and gotten way nicer, right mother?” I said.

“Actually my daughter is right, the dwarfs are much nicer now!” answered my mother in a friendly tone of voice.

“Pack your bags and lets get on the road!” I said while excited.

* * *

It’s been 2 years and a lot has changed! First of all, My Step mom and I love each other. I convinced the dwarfs that (both the girls and boys) are kind people and funny enough all 14 of them are married to one another; Bashful and Humble, Doc and Mate, Dopey and Silly, Grumpy and Pettish, Happy and Jolly, Sleepy and Drowsy, last but not least Sneezy and Sniffles, these are the new happily married couples! As for the rest of us, were fine to!

“And they all lived happily ever after in their palace. The end.”

4 comments:

Leor said...

really good job!!!
your lead and conclusions were very effective.
you hardly had any conventions mistakes!!!
your story was very well orginized!!
GOOD JOB!!

Adi said...

Dear Hana,
Your story had a very effective lead. It grabed me and also had a very original and effective title. It had an excelent use of dialouge, and proper use of it. Your story had very few mistakes. Your sensory laguage was very well and your story was very well organized.
Good job!
-Adi

Jamie said...

Good job!
You'r lead and conclusion are very effective. You use barely any "really bad words" you just had a few conventions mistakes such as: You spelt too as to and you sometimes said things that didn't fit into the sentence.
You'r organization was excellent and the dialogue followed all of the dialogue rules.
Excellent! I loved it!!!

joelle said...

Hana, I thought that your lead and conclusion were both very effective, and that you had an original title. You had a few convention mistakes, but I'm sure you will fix those for your final draft. You also had really good use of sensory language!
Good job!! :)